Mom's Mooring, More 90th Birthday Planning

On October 2 and 3, 2011 Suzy, Kathy, and I exchanged e-mails about the previously undisclosed visit Herm and Karl made to Mom, our impressions of how her mental and emotional state progresses, and our continuing plans for Mom’s 90^th birthday.

Sent: Sunday, October 02, 2011 2:41 AM
To: 'Marlos'; 'Susan'
Subject: Dana hopes to come

Dear Kathy and Suzy,

                Such interesting reports!  A pattern that’s starting to appear is that Mother’s mood can swing into something better if we stay a while.  We’ll need to remember that for her birthday celebration although that time of day—after lunch—might be better for her, provided she’s had the chance to rest. 

                Here’s what I got from Dana:  I invited her to stay with me if she comes.  I guess she’ll also have the option of staying with Karl. 

When Herm was visiting Karl a month ago, they went to see mother and Herman said it was
as though her brain had been erased She mainly asked them to leave.  It was
not a good time for her, she said.  She gave Karl a chance to be useful if he had an extra pair of
glasses on him because hers were not strong enough to see the notes They said her playing was not
good. 
 
I was thinking of coming for her bday which she seemed to think was Halloween.  Has there been any
consensus of a celebration for her.  Won’t it be her 90th?  If we can do anything to make her happier or to

The letter just ended there.  I gave her the dates—October 22 for the sing-along and October 25 for David—and invited her to stay with me if she comes.  I guess she’ll also have the option of staying with Karl.  I think it’s great that she feels like coming after that fall and neck injury!

                Love,

                Tina

PS  Did you know anything about the visit Karl and Herman made a month ago?

PS  Mom had a great system for her Kleenex before she moved to Aegis:   One box for the used, one box for the new.  I left her with an empty box for the new, but I didn’t have a box for the other tissues I left her.

> Sent: Sunday, October 02, 2011 10:27 PM

> To: Tina Martin

> Subject: Re: The beginning of Mom's invitation

> 

> 

> 

> Hi Tina--Thanks for the update on the Sat visit. It does seems to work out

> best to keep engaging your Mom when the intial visit does not start out to

> well. May we should all meet(Sue, you and I) at some point, prior to the

> birthday to sort out who wants to do what, decorations, etc. What do you

> think? Hope you've had a good weekend. Love, K.

> 

From: "Tina Martin" <tina_martin@sbcglobal.net>

To: "'Marlos'" <marlos4@earthlink.net>

Sent: Monday, October 03, 2011 4:22 AM

Subject: More of Mom's invitation

> Dear Kathy,

> Yes, a meeting would be good.  But first I should get the invitation

> to you.  At first I put RSVP TO Kathy Loss 415 935-5259 or to Tina Martin

> tina_martin@sbcglobal.net, because I thought those who preferred e-mail

> (as

> I do) could call me, and those who prefer phones (do you?) could call you.

> But would you prefer that I put your e-mail address instead of mine?  Once

> I

> have that I can send it to you--or hand-deliver it on Tuesday or both!

> Love,

> Tina

Hi Tina--Re the invitation, having people call here is fine, but the area code is 925  then 935-5259. I will be at my support group tomorrow from 11-12:30pm, back here about 1:30pm, so you could come by and deliver the invitations and I take it then that I will mail them out asap. If it works for you maybe we could have lunch or tea tomorrow and look at a date for us all to meet and talk about the party plan. Let me know. Love, K.

From Suzy October 3, 2011

No, I knew nothing of the visit by Karl and Herman. I wonder what that felt like to Mom! I wonder if she even recognized them at all!!

Yes, Mom does seem to calm down when she's in that scared, frantic state, after a while. It's as if she gets a mooring. I wonder what it's like when we're not visiting and she's in the frantic place. I wonder if it just passes and she gets into a more all right state of mind just by the passage of time...

I sent Karl an email a couple of days ago about Mom's bday celebration on the 22nd, and have heard nothing back at all yet.

Dana's coming would make the day all that more special. I just hope Mom is able to handle so many people, so much going on, and that it's a positive thing to her and not just stressful... I think it's a good idea for maybe just one of us to go to her early and not try to arrange things, but just do a very down-to-earth activity with her in her room for a while while she gets grounded. Perhaps others could be preparing the celebration room. Then maybe when Mom seems stable (hopefully she will get there that day!!!), she can come into the celebration room early to get used to it before all the visitors come.

On Mon, Oct 3, 2011 at 4:41 AM, Tina Martin <tina_martin@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

From me October 3, 2011

I agree that it would be a good idea for just one person—maybe Kathy—to go in to be with Mom and get her “grounded” and “ready.”  Mom has told me, without my prompting, that she is going to be svelte and have her teeth in for her party.  In the invitation, I have Mom at the piano as before, but I’ve added some pictures where the Aegis one were including the one of Mom on March 1 with the clouds.  I don’t think they’ll be a lot of decorating—except pictures and flowers.  Maybe you and I could take care of setting that up while Kathy’s with Mom.  Do you want me to order a cake?  Any ideas?

We talked about having a sheet cake, one half chocolate, one half vanilla. We talked about having the writing go across the whole thing, of course, saying something about the 90th Birthday. I'm fine with leaving the specifics of that to you.

Kathy's being with Mom to help her get in a relaxed state sounds good. I also don't think Mom should know Tina and I are doing something in the other part of the building until she is relaxed. And then the idea of her coming in a little before the guests arrive to, again, get grounded, might be a good idea.

On Mon, Oct 3, 2011 at 4:02 PM, Tina Martin <tina_martin@sbcglobal.net> wrote:

Hi, Kathy~
       Here's the latest version of the invitation for Mom's 90th.
Tomorrow I'll bring two versions--the 8x11" one and a 5'x7", for which I can
also provide 8 envelopes.  (More after tomorrow)  How many people are we
inviting?

       You
       Suzy
       Jonathan
       Karl
       Dana
       Nan
       Ethel
       3 K kids and 2 parents?
       Jan
       Andrea and S....

       I can send e-mail version of the invitation to you, Suzy, Jonathan,
Karl, and Dana, so maybe 8 envelopes will be enough?

       Is Sunday a good time for you, Suzy, and me to get together?  I was
thinking around 12:00 after an 11:00 visit with Mom.

       Love,
       Tina

Looks good, Tina. You are so clever to be able to put the pictures of Mom on the walls!

What is it that we three are getting together for? I have plans for Sunday, in any event.

Thanks for going to all this effort, Tina.   All your work is adding to how special a day it is.