Aegis Communications Planning Mom's 90th and News of an Previously Unshared Visit

I had problems with the server last night, so I couldn't get this on until this morning, when my tenant unplugged the modem and plugged it back in!  It feels strange to re-read all the letters about Mom's birthday-to-come when I know how the plans had to be altered and why.

From Sarah Jane Stull, September 27, 2011

Hi Tina,

Nadine’s move was completed today and was a success.  She is very pleased with her new apartment (#126) and thanked us immediately.  We are all glad to see Nadine in a more comfortable living situation.  Thank you for your patience and understanding during this process.

I spoke with Jeanette (who does hair at our salon at Aegis) regarding Nadine’s appointment today.  Jeanette would like to speak with you directly for specific instructions before she cuts or styles Nadine’s hair.  She would like to confirm exactly what you and Nadine would like before she proceeds.  If you would like, I can ask Jeanette to call you directly.

Have a nice evening.

Thank you,

Sarah Jane

Sarah Jane Stull, LVN
Life's Neighborhood Director & Wellness Nurse
Aegis of Pleasant Hill

From Kathy, also September 27, 2011

Hi----I think the move went well and your Mom was in good spirits when I saw her later this pm. I asked your Mom whether she wanted her easy chair or a love seat and she thought a love seat would be best. So, tomorrow I will scout around the thrift stores to see what I can find. Also, the beautiful picture between the dressers belongs to Adele, so that will be going. Anyone have a big, bright and cheerful picture? If not I will look around and see what I can discover. The view out her window is very nice--fountain with flowers. Tina-- the invitation looks great--have we decided on a date, so I can reserve the room and let folks know to save the date. Love, K.

September 28, 2011

Hi!

                Mom mentioned Halloween again yesterday.  Here’s an idea:  We can have the sing-along without costumes on October 22 and have costumes another time—maybe on her actual birthday or with a small group of us the following Saturday, October 29?  

                What do the rest of you think?  Have you had the chance to see whether there’s any preference of dates with her friends and the neighbors across the street? 

                As I said, the invitation so far is just to familiarize Mom with the place and the concept.  But it would be good to have a date so we can really send them out!

                Love,

                Tina

From Suzy, also September 28, 2011

I'm so glad to hear the move went well. I do hope Mom can experience more peace in her new situation.

And Tina, Tuesday sounds like a very nice visit. I'm glad you both had that. And the invitation looks very nice!

I'll do what the majority want, but I'm thinking costumes on top of everything else might be a bit much, all at once. On the other hand, if it would be FUN for Mom, if she'd get a THRILL out of it, wouldn't that be sweet? But maybe she could get a thrill a different day, as you propose, Tina.

Dear Suzy and Kathy,

                Since Jonathan really needs to know the date for his tickets, here’s a proposal:  I’ll make the invitations for Saturday, October 22.  We can have a celebration with David, Suzy, and me on Tuesday, October 25, and Kathy you’re welcome to come then or later.  Then, around Halloween, we can have a gathering for Mom with costumes—but not the main event and not the 90^th birthday party?  (If Mom is heart-broken that it’s not costume on Saturday 22, then we can try again!)

                Love,

                Tina

From: Marlos [mailto:marlos4@earthlink.net]
Sent: Wednesday, September 28, 2011 8:47 PM
To: Tina Martin
Subject: Re: Saturday, October 22

Hi---Sounds good. I'll let people know and reserve the room for 1:30pm on 10-22-11.

Great!  We’ve got a date.   If Mom eats at noon and finishes around 12:30, she’ll have time to rest, put on her lipstick (something she’s mentioned to me and others—aside from suggesting that I comb my hair), and get all spiffed up.  Will the kids across the street be out of school? 

Hi Tina----Room reserved at Aegis with plates, cups, wine glasses, etc.Since it is a Saturday, the kids across the street will be home. Love, K.

As we were planning for Mom’s 90^th, I got a message from Dana about a visit we never knew had taken place.  Apparently, without letting us know in advance or even finding out what was going on with Mom at the time, her son Karl (who’d always been very sweet with Mom even though he’d believed what his own distant-from-Mom mother had told him) and her ex-husband Herman visited Mom.    Before Karl had seen much of Mom, he expressed the opinion, which he’d apparently gotten from Dana, that Mom was just putting on an act to get attention and didn’t really didn’t have dementia at all.  This was before he visited Mom at Aegis, and it was before Dana’s visit in the summer.  I was somewhat alarmed (if a person can be “somewhat” alarmed) that he and Dana would make such a judgment at the distance of more than 2000 miles, especially since Dana herself had seen some signs of dementia during Mom’s visit in Chicago in 2003 or so.  But it seemed like a case where family members who don’t spend time with a family member feel that their judgment is superior to that of those who do. 

            When in an e-mail on September 30 Dana finally let me know about the visit with Mom, Dana said it was “a month ago” and “as though brain had been erased.  She mainly asked them to leave.” 

            Why, I wonder, did they wait a month to let us know about the visit?

            But Dana sounded concerned and interested in being there for Mom’s 90^th birthday.  Dana’s message trailed off “If we can do anything to make her happier or to…”