Cuddling and Singing with Mom in Her New Room after Hearing a Speaker in the Room We're Reserving

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Dear Kathy, Suzy, and Jonathan,

            This was a pretty good day with Mom!  She’d already moved in to her new room, with Doris, and the view is more beautiful.  You can see the fountain.  It also seems more spacious.  Doris slept the whole time we were there although she did open her eyes at one point.

            I was thrilled to see a sofa, but it turned out to be Ada’s sofa, so even while we were there, the maintenance guy came to move it.  Someone asked Mom how she liked her room, and she said, “It’s much better.  Much.” 

            Of course, when I flipped through her little Visitor’s Book, I came to a page where Mom had written, “They hurt my roommate,” so maybe she thinks that Kay has been done away with permanently. 

            She was really tired and lying down, but she was looking at that laminated collage I made her when she first moved from the hospital into Aegis.  I said, “Oh, are you looking at this to figure out who you want to invite for your birthday party?” and she said yes. 

            I showed her the beginning of the invitation, which I’ll send separately.  I said, “Look, Mom.  Here’s another picture.  The beautiful place we’re going to have your birthday party.”

            She said, “Well, where is it?”

            “I said, “Aegis!”

            She asked, “How did you get so involved with Aegis?”

            I said, “It’s just such a beautiful place.  We wanted you to have the most beautiful place possible.”

            She said, “Well, you make the plans, and I’ll try to be there and…accommodating.”          Then she asked, “What do you hear from Dana?”

            I told her that Dana had finally contacted me to say that Karl told her I told him that she didn’t respond, and she said that wasn’t true.  She said she just liked to use the telephone, so I should just be sure never to pick up, and she’d be able to communicate with me that way, through messages.

            Mother thought that was funny.  (Imagine following all that!)

            Then I asked Mom some of the questions Dana had asked me.  When do we say effect and when do we say affect.  Mom made the right choices, but maybe it was my exaggerated pronunciation.  Then I asked her Dana’s other questions about lay and Lie.  “Should we say ‘I’m going to lie down” or I’m going to lay down”?  I asked, and she said, “I’m going to lay down…the books on the table.”

            When I’d entered I’d seen that they’d cleared out the dining room and set up chairs, but the only one in Mom’s birthday dining room was the speaker, who looked sort of forlorn.  It was almost time for her to begin talking about Compassionate Care-giving, and nobody cared. 

            I told Mom.  She asked, “Where is she speaking?”  I said, “Around the corner.” 

            She said, “I don’t go around the corner.” 

            I asked, “Why?” 

            She said, “Because I like them to be crisp, not round.” 

            But in spite of saying that, she was agreeable to our going out and around that corner.  She just said she needed to go to the bathroom.

            When I put in the code, she asked, “Have you done this before?”  I told her yes.  Then she started to go into the bathroom on the free side of the door, but when she saw two other women approaching, she told them, “You go ahead.”

            “Didn’t you want to go in?” one of them asked.

            “Yes, I wanted to.  But we can go another time.  Later.  You go ahead.”

            Then we sat down in the dining room/conference room, but the speaker’s desperation seemed less as people started coming in, so I suggested to Mom that we go into the garden. 

            She said, “This sounds kind of interesting.  To tell you the truth, I’m just so tired, I don’t want to move.” 

            She continued to drink the chocolate milk shake I got her, and at one point, when I was taking notes on Compassionate Care-giving, she started to hand the milk shake to me.  Then she said, “No, you’re using your hands,” and she held on to it.

            So we listened to a little bit of the importance of having an Advanced Care Directive.  Then, when they really needed our chairs, we started back to her room.  The bathroom door in the hall was locked, so we went back to Perry’s, and when we were on the other side of the door, she said, “Now, where’s my room?”

            “That’s right!  You have a new one.”

            So we went back to it, and she may have made a quick gesture in the direction of the bathroom, but she was quickly back lying (not laying) on the bed.  And then we snuggled again and sang songs from Carousel, South Pacific, and the King and I.  She said, “If you get me that for my birthday, it will be my favorite gift, but I won’t tell anybody that.”

            So I’m going to order that easy arrangement of the ones that are (I think) falling apart.  She sang with me and remembered “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning,” “A Wonderful Guy,” “Whistle a Happy Tune.  She could whistle better than I could.

            So…she seemed tired but pretty alert and kind and in the mood for musicals.

            Love,

            Tina