Mom's Early May Outing

This is just so, so sad.  Mom trying to get home.  Me trying to get her out into the beautiful garden.

Dear Kathy and Suzy,

                Mom really surprised me today by greeting me with open arms and saying, “Oh!  At last!  I told them you were coming!” 

             But I soon discovered that she thought I was coming to take her home. 

             I didn’t grasp this right away, so when she took me right away to the dining room and said, “I’ve been driving people crazy all morning!” I didn’t know what she meant.  I was surprised and pleased that she was out of her room and even going into the dining room area.              She said, “I thought you said you were coming between ten and twelve,” and I said, “Well, it’s eleven now.”  (I hadn’t actually told her any specific time, but maybe it is good that we have a particular time that we visit, and that’s mine.)  

            I served up some brownies—two to Adele, who gave me a hug, and several for the staff or whoever could eat chocolate and nuts.  Mother was concerned that there’d be enough for everyone, but she wasn’t having any because it would only make her need to go to the bathroom more.

Then when we got back to her room, she said, “We’ve got to get out of here.  So get enough of these (pads) to take with us.” 

I said, “Oh, do you want to go out?”  and even though I didn’t say much more than that, I could see/hear Mom’s thoughts shift. 

“Well, what do you think?  I’m not staying here.  I’m going home.  It’s as much my home as it is hers.  Well, just for a few hours.  We’ll be back here before dark.  I guess I won’t need my nightgown.”  She had a little stack of things ready to go, and she gave me the nightgown to put back in her chest of drawers. 

                She seemed in a really big hurry to go out.  But she also thought she needed to go to the toilet.  A lot!  She said she’d kept six people out of the bathroom that morning.  (She thinks she shares it with more people than Kay.)  So she went to the toilet and didn’t want to pull her pants up afterwards because she’d just have to go again, but I pointed out that it would be hard to walk with her pants pulled down, so she pulled them up. 

            She eliminated some things she wouldn’t need after all (bad choice of words, eliminating) and then we went out the 4,3,2,1,# door and I really hoped I could get her interested in a garden detour, but I couldn’t. 

            She wanted me to pull the car in front, but I assured her that I was parked really close.  I thought it would be good exercise to walk those few yards, but she thought it would “just get the poop in movement, moving faster.” 

            Once she was seated, she said we needed to hurry, and I said, “So what park would you like to go to?  Or would you rather go to a café?” 

             She said she wanted to go home.  Did I have the key? 

             I said no, and she didn’t say anything about the secret hiding place. 

            So, since I wasn’t sure how to get to the park, and Mom said there would be too many children in all the restaurants because it was Easter Sunday, I pulled into the parking lot at Safeway, and that’s where I called you, Kathy, to find out how to get to the nearest park. 

            Mother kept saying that you, Kathy, might have some big spread planned for Easter so she didn’t want to interfere with that. 

            I told her that, actually, today wasn’t Easter, and she said, “Yes, it is!”  But as soon as she said that, I could tell that she lost her certainty. 

            I told her that we’d visited her on Easter, which was last week. 

            “Then what about David?” 

            We’d taken him out for Easter, and then we’d come to visit her. 

            I told her that Mother’s Day was next Sunday, and she said, “That’s too soon.” 

                She told me to take her back to Aegis, and when we arrived in the Aegis parking lot, she said, “On Easter Sunday, families take the children to a nice place, so all the nice places will be too full.  But we could go to a crummy place.” 

            I said, “Why don’t we go to a beautiful garden?” and she said yes until she realized I meant the one at Aegis. 

            She said, “Well, don’t park.  Take me to the door!”  So I did. 

            Once inside the door, she said, “This isn’t the right place!” 

            She asked a woman in Assisted Living, “Is this the right place?” and the woman looked a little uncertain. 

            Mom walked over to Mimi, the black concierge, and said, “Could you tell me where Nadine Martin’s place is.” 

            Mimi explained that it was just inside the door on the other side. 

            Since the garden was just ahead of us, I gave it a try, but Mom soon realized that it didn’t lead to a bathroom, so I took her back in and around the corner, where she debated with Kay whether it would be all right for her, Mom, to use their bathroom, or whether she’d have to find another one. 

            Kay, who’d told me when I first arrived, “You know who they want to get?  YOU!” this time suggested Mom go into her (Mom’s) boyfriend’s room, and she indicated the place across the hall. 

            Mom said, “I don’t have a boyfriend…Do you mean the heavy-set one?” 

            I asked Kay whether she had to go to the bathroom, and she said, “I really don’t know.” 

            I said, “Well, Mom knows she has to go, so she’ll go first and then you can go when you know you need to.”

                So Mom went to the bathroom, and then she lay on the bed and said, “I know I’ve been kind of difficult today.  But I don’t want to have a pound of poop in my pants.  I don’t really like this place.  I don’t hate it.  But I need a place that just has women.  There are some men I don’t really care for, whereas the women are okay, and there some I like very much indeed.”  (I liked the “very much indeed.”)  “And a place where maybe they’re softer.” 

             I asked, “Are the people here hard?” 

            She said, “Not exactly, but…”  She took her dentures out and then put them back in.  “I had to wear these to get breakfast this morning.” 

            I suggested that the staff might be worried that she wouldn’t be able to chew her food without her teeth, and she said, “That’s probably what they were thinking, but I got some sour looks.” 

            She mentioned Easter again, and reminded her that we’d visited her on Easter.  Kathy had brought her an adorable bunny, and Suzy had brought that beautiful yellow rose plant, and I’d brought the potted plant with different flowers that was nowhere to be seen. 

            “It’s a question of space,” she said.  “I think maybe the other one is outdoors.” 

            I thought, “In the garden!” 

            But I didn’t try one more time to get her out there.  It was obvious that she was very tired.  Just the same she got up to go to the bathroom again, and at the door, she said, “See if you can find me a doctor.  Or get everyone in the family to find out what can be done for my B.M.s.”

                So now we know what she wants for Mother’s Day, which is just a week away, “too soon.”   But we’ll see.  I still have hope.  The dining room is on the same wall as the bathroom!

                Love,

                Tina