We had thought that the visitors’
book would comfort Mom between visits.
Kathy wrote the dates and who had visited, and I provided pictures. But on the days when Mom most needed comfort,
when her brained produced a waking nightmare, she would hide the book so others
wouldn’t be jealous and she would turn away her visitors, as she did just a day
after we’d seen her so much in her element, so much like her real self.
“I visited today,” Kathy wrote Suzy
and me on April 11, “and your Mom was not having a good day. Lots of paranoia and the poison routine. Nan only stayed about 10 minutes. Your mom wanted her to leave so she wouldn’t
be hurt. Two of your Mom’s friends,
Andree and Sihua, visited briefly and the paranoia was going strong. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.”
But Kathy gave me the go-ahead to
reserve the pretty dining room at Aegis for Mother’s Day, which I did when my
nephew Karl and I visited.
About
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Dear
Kath and Suzy~
How sad to hear that today was such
an awful day—a swing back to the paranoia—after such a hope-giving visit
yesterday! I’m so sorry, Kathy, that
when you visited today, Mom was having the
paranoia and going through the poison routine. You said that Nan stayed only
about 10 min because Mom wanted her to leave so she wouldn’t be hurt, and Andree & Sihua witnessed the
same thing during their brief visit.
And
all this before I’d even had the chance to give the report of how much better
she was yesterday—like someone who belonged on the other side of that door!
Karl
and I arrived a little after 10:00 because I was able to skip my office
hour. We made the switch between the
photo Mom said was “ugly” and the one with Mom smiling with beautiful white
clouds in the background.
Then I went into her room to be sure it was
okay for Karl to come in. Mom was
napping on her bed, but greeted us, soon found her dentures in the bedding, and
was very receptive to the idea that we go into another room so as not to
disturb Kristine, who walked in shortly after we did. Again, I greeted Kristine and introduced
Karl. We invited her to come with us, and
I gently touched her shoulder, but she said, “Don’t touch me! Don’t ever touch me because I’ll get what you
have and I don’t want it!” So I
apologized and took what I had that she didn’t want into the sitting room,
where Mom, Karl, and I ate a cookie or two, and Mom made a good-natured comment
about how small they were. (They were
the giant ones). She did ask Karl and me
to keep our voices lower because the people in the next room would be
disturbed, but I think she was right on that one.
So…we
went outdoors! I’d never taken Mom out
before, and I’m not sure that she’s ever gone out, but she loved it. I went back to get her a jacket, but she was
afraid that the black one with the soft white lining might not be hers, so I
took it back and exchanged it for the yellow vest. Mom commented on how good it felt to be
outdoors and how pretty the fountain sounded.
She mentioned the piano and said she’d like to have it and didn’t think
that Kathy would care “if she decides to separate permanently.” While she and Karl were talking on the bench,
Adele and an aid named Tina came along, and Mom was friendly to them. She remembered Tina and Adele, and Adele was
very responsive to Mom’s friendliness.
The whole scene was really nice.
Mom mentioned her bathroom needs only once or twice, and the second
time, after she’d asked me to get her some more Kotex (and I told her you had
just brought a lot of pads), she said, indicating that she was joking, “I’d like to be the only near-90 woman who’s
still menstruating.” (Actually I think
she said “who’s still a menstruator.”)
We’d
gone in because she mentioned lunch, and she sat down in the cafeteria as if
that’s what she did every day. Adele
stayed with us. Mom ate well! She commented on how much Karl looked like
David—“the way he would have looked if he hadn’t had such a hard life.” She also told Karl that she had visited David
for years and years up in Napa, and now Tina and Suzy were taking their turn.
The
whole visit was so wonderful that I thought it might be a turning point.
Tomorrow
I have to meet a student and take care of some book orders, so I won’t get to
Aegis quite as early as yesterday. But
I’ll let you know how it goes. What a
shame that she couldn’t have had a good day with you, Kathy, Nan, Andree and
Sihua.
I’ll
go ahead and make a reservation for the dining room on Mother’s Day. I’m sure they’ll understand if we can’t use
it when the day comes. But as I told
you, Kathy,(and I copy and paste):
Every time I’ve dialed
1-925-939-2700, I’ve gotten a disconnected message, and when I tried to dial
without the 1, I got a voice who didn’t identify herself at all—no mention of
Aegis. Yet, that’s the number on both Dee F. Jones’ and Rosmary Brown’s
cards!
I’ll try again tomorrow when I’m
there.
Love,
Tina
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