This
was the day that Mom, who’d broken the glass to the emergency fire box, put me
on her hit list, and I was partly to blame.
Tuesday,
May 3, 2011
Dear
Kathy and Suzy,
In case you’d like to have a briefer report than the one I usually give, I’ll
try to give the essence at the beginning and then you can stop reading if it’s
too much!
I was with Mom and Ada between 10:50 and 11:40 today—50 minutes, the school
(and therapist) hour.
When I first arrived, I saw Divina,
who smiled and said she’d just given Mom a shower. Then she added, “But
this was a morning of agitation.”
She told me Mom had broken a glass.
“You mean she smashed it at
the table?”
Then Divina showed me.
Mom had broken the glass of the
emergency fire extinguisher on the wall, the one that usually says, “Break in
case of emergency.” She’d broken it with her hand.
“Fortunately she wasn’t hurt,”
Divina told me.
The glass had already been replaced.
Mom had also screamed for the
police.
Ada spotted me and asked about going
into the room with me, and I told her I thought it was okay (because I think Ada
has a good influence/effect on Mom. In fact, I’d like to invite her to
come to our sure-to-be-a-success Mother’s Day luncheon.)
I promised to make this beginning
short, so I’ll just say that Mom sounded really good and sane at the beginning,
then remembered her B.M. obsession, had a little confrontation with Kay (though
it was really between Ada and Kay), didn’t want to sit on anything she would
get poopy, but made it out to the sitting room to talk to the person (Not Yelba
but another Y name) to say that she, Mom, thought she was going crazy….could
Y….testify at her trial?
Then Mom finally went out to the
garden with Ada and me for just a few minutes—long enough to notice the newly
planted flowers—maybe chrysanthemums—and to have me read Elizabeth Barrett
Browning’s “How Do I Love Thee” poem and then order me not to read any more
because other people didn’t have love in their life and would be hurt.
At one point, she showed me the “spy”
equipment, and like an idiot I laughed.
She then told me, “Tina, I put you
on the list.” When I asked what list she meant, she said, “To
kill!”
She and Ada both saw me to the door.
Okay, that’s the short version.
After I’d heard about Mom’s breaking the glass with her bare fist, I wondered
what shape I would find her in. She was asleep, and I was going to let
her sleep, but she then opened her eyes and talked sanely for a few
minutes. She said she was glad I’d come, and she’d acted crazy, so there
were “reverberations.” She said she felt bad that anyone had to see her
like this—us or them.
We talked a little bit about the
medicine and trying to get it just right, and she made it clear that she would
take the medicine because it was what they wanted.
She said, “I know I sound pretty
crazy, but in here (pointing to her head) and here (pointing to her chest), I
have God, but it just isn’t something that other people can see, so they can’t
understand. But I’d never hurt anyone.”
I told her I knew she
wouldn’t.
Ada held one of her hands, and I held the
other, and when I noticed that Mom’s left eye lid was down again, I asked her
about it, and she said, “I keep it down because I think that’s the eye that’s
going blind.” (Might as well pull the shade.)
I’ve noticed the last two or three times that the visitors’ book is nowhere to
be seen.
We never got to the point of being
able to read Contrary to Popular Opinion, but when Kay came to the door
and said, “Lots of people are going to be coming through here to see me today,
so you’d better leave,” Mom saw we’d have to leave the room.
I suggested the sitting room, but
she said Kay’s visitors needed the bedroom AND the sitting room. Besides,
she couldn’t sit on anything she’d get poopy.
Mom went to the Y-Woman I mentioned
earlier, and the Y-Woman told Mom that if she thought she was crazy, that
proved that she wasn’t crazy. It was only if she thought she wasn’t crazy
that she was. Something reassuring like that.
Mom said the police were going to take her
away, and that’s what she wanted.
“Will you testify for me at the
trial?”
The Y-person said she would be with
Mom 100%--on her side.
Then Ada and I convinced Mom to use the bathroom in the hall, right outside
4,3,2,1 # in spite of Mom’s insistence that it was already booked.
“There’s a schedule,” Mom
said.
We went out to the garden, as I
mentioned earlier, and as we passed the people in the Assisted Living area, Mom
said, “And I can tell you that all of these people will be gone
tomorrow.”
Mom didn’t want to stay out long
because of the B.M. obsession, which I consider more disabling than the fear of
being killed or of killing. It interferes with EVERYTHING!
Back in Perry Mom showed me the
lines of the wall paper where there were listening-in devices recording what we
said, and she also took me to a suite across the hall and said, “This is where
they keep information about me.”
She told me that someone had said
the worse thing they could. “Your daughters are coming to see you, so
that must make you feel good.” Mother made a face indicating the
insensitivity of the aide’s saying such a thing within the earshot of the less
fortunate. And everything is within earshot of everyone. Mom said
she didn’t want to have any more visitors until she got home.
I told her I’d be back on Thursday, and Nan
would be there tomorrow, but Mom expressed exasperation.
“I’m very fond of Nan, but it’s not
fair to the people here to be punished, and it’s not good for you to see me
like this.” Or something to that effect.
I kissed her goodbye,
and Ada asked her whether it would be okay for her to come back in a couple of
days, and then I walked out, but then Mom came out to let me know that she’d
put me on her hit list so they’d see it and call me, and then the police would
come and take her away.
I think there may be some hope of our having a Mother’s Day luncheon if Ada
joins us. Do we know yet whether Karl can come? He hasn’t answered
my message. Javier is coming. Since Mom “behaves” herself more with
Ada, it may work with her and Javier there. If Karl can make it, his
presence might be a positive force too.
I wonder how much longer we have to test out this increased dosage of Seroquel
before we put her on something else. I’m not sure that’s the culprit, but
it doesn’t seem to be making things any better!
Love,
Tina
PS How was the special on
Alzheimer’s?
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