Sunday,
May 29, 2011 6:08 pm.
Dear
Kathy and Susan,
I’m going to tell you about our
visits with both David and Mom because in an emotional sense they were
connected.
We gave David his choice of
Applebee’s or Thai, and he chose Thai.
But we went to the wrong one, not the one we went to a couple of months
ago. This one was the Racing Cars Thai Café on Park. Not as good, but David ate heartily.
I told David that Mom wasn’t able to
get out any more but that she missed him and we’d take him to see her after she
got settled in her new place. I said we
were on our way to see her, so if he had a message for her—
“You mean, she’s still alive?” he asked.
He didn’t exactly cry, but a tear
came out.
“Tell her that I love her.”
And then he asked, “Why did you stay
away so long?”
I was puzzled when I thought the question was
for me, but I think maybe he meant it for Mom.
Again, I explained that she couldn’t
go out any more but that she loved him and thought about him and asked about
him (which, of course, she does).
Aside from that moment, he didn’t say much of anything at all before or
after.
When I shared this with Mom
today—not the “You mean, she’s still alive?” part but the “Tell her I love her”
message, Mom really seemed touched. In
fact, it was the only part of our hour with her that seemed to really connect
with her instead of being something she was “supposed” to be doing.
She said, “Oh, thank you so
much. Oh, I’m so touched to hear
that.”
By this time we were at the big
table because Kay was having a very hard day, which means that she was making
life difficult for Mom.
Ada asked about David, and Mom, who
seemed very tired and as if she were struggling to find her words (except when
she expressed such joy and relief getting the message from David), explained
that he had…What was it?...And he’d had it since…? But now he was doing better. He’d found a niche.
I told Mom that whenever she wanted
us to, we could bring David for a visit, and she expressed joy at that
too. (We’d have to meet far away from Kay.)
So…the main obstacle to a good visit
today was Kay’s state of mind and Mom’s trying to keep the peace and feeling
exhausted.
When I first knocked on the door
(closed) and went in, Mom was getting into bed and told me, “Kathy is in a very
bad mood today. She’s in the bathroom
right now, but she’s asking me to leave, to move out.”
By the time Kay came out, Ada was
with us.
Kay asked us about Mom.
“Now, how do you expect her to get better if
she’s getting in and out of bed all the time and having all these
visitors? And there’s a wedding. This is just too much. I want you out of
here. How would you like it if people
kept walking through your house? And I
find things missing, and she’s taking them.”
At this point Mom said, “No! I would never take anything from you!”
And I couldn’t help thinking how unfortunate it is that Mom can’t always
see Kay’s behavior as an aberration, reflecting on Kay’s condition/illness, not
on Mom.
I told Mom we knew that she would
never take anything, and I told Kay that I understood both of them needed time
to themselves sometime, and I asked Mom whether she wanted to come out to the
big table.
“I guess so,” she said, and she put
in her teeth.
But I’m not sure we did the right
thing in staying. Maybe it would have
been better to have let her stay in bed and get some rest. She really did seem tired.
She ate a lot of brownies and drank
the milk we’d brought. Then they brought
strawberry ice cream, and Mom and Ada both devoured that.
At one point, I asked Mom whether
she wanted us to go or stay, and she said, “Stay until we’re having fun.”
About a half hour later, when I
suggested that we let her sleep, she said, “But first you’d better wake me
up.”
Donna, Kay’s daughter was here to
visit her mom, and we explained that the flowers we’d brought were for both Mom
and Kay (put on the bureau with the owl, to which Kay was talking until her
daughter got there).
When I walked her back to her room,
Mom said, “Instead of coming with me, you should be picking up the little
pieces of paper that are on the rug.”
After she got into bed and we kissed
and hugged goodbye (I kissed and hugged her, that is), I had a glass of water
in the dining room, and I saw Mom come back in in spite of her fatigue and pick
up the little pieces of paper.
The only other notable thing was
that she kept trying to arrange the flowers in the dining room. They were in stagnant water and not very
fresh, but she wanted to make them look better, and she also wanted to give one
of the staff members a flower to wear in her lapel “Because you’re such a good
person.”
So…I’ll next see Mom when we get
back from Germany. I’ll go to see her
on Thursday, June 11.
I’ve sent you both my
itinerary. We’ll take our cell phones,
but I’m not sure whether they’ll function.
Mine is 415 624-7930.
I hope you’re both all right, and I
hope you have good visits with Mom while I’m gone.
Love,
Tina
No comments:
Post a Comment