Jonathan,
grandson (Nani’s daughter Tina’s son)
The
main thing I would like to share is my experience of visiting Nani and Kathy,
and in particular the ideal routine we developed and its variations over time.
I
probably visited before middle school, but when I started the clarinet in the
seventh grade, in 1991, was when I remember starting to come over regularly,
partly so that Nani and I could play music together and rehearse for our
performances at our family birthday celebrations as the Jonani Duo (with her on
piano and me on clarinet). My visits were also an opportunity to play Scrabble,
eat, and just hang out and talk.
In
the early days, I would take BART out to Pleasant Hill station and, in the days
before cell phones, I think I would call from a pay phone at the station to let
Nani or Kathy know I had arrived, and one of them would pick me up. I think
that was when Nani first had her little metallic blue-green Civic and maybe
Kathy had her red Toyota truck. (I think this was after the Toyota van, and
well after the VW bus.)
In
more recent years (2000-2008), I would drive myself in my Civic. I seem to remember I was usually running
late, but I think that was anticipated. If I called to say I was on my way,
Kathy or Nani would tell me that was fine and not to not rush. (Speaking of
driving, I remember telling Nani that my mechanic had told me Chevron gasoline
was better than other brands. She didn’t believe it and called the librarian at
the Pleasant Hill library, who researched it and couldn’t find any evidence for
it.)
During
those years when I drove, I always enjoyed arriving. I would usually ring the
front doorbell and be greeted by Nani and Kathy and the dog (Taiko, Sunny,
Samson). After we all hugged hello, Nani would settle back into her chair in
the living room, where she might have been watching The NewsHour with Jim
Lehrer, or crocheting or doing a crossword, and I would join her. Kathy would
ask if I’d like something to drink, always with good options including wine.
After
we had caught up a little bit, Nani and I would play a little bit of music
while Kathy fixed dinner, or sometimes I would play the piano. Then Kathy would
call us to the table. Dinner was always delicious, and a nice chance to catch
up. We had a good time talking, and I always wanted seconds on everything, and
sometimes thirds.
Towards
the end of dinner, Kathy would say, “I want to hear some music!” If we said
something like, “Don’t you want some help with the dishes?” she would say, “Get
in there and play some music! The dishwasher wants to hear some music!” That
would be one of our big music playing times, after dinner. We would play until
we were all worn out. We would play classical pieces from various recital
books, and jazzy numbers from various jazz books, and other pieces we had
picked up over the years. Some of the music Nani got at a store called
Countrywood, where she knew the staff from asking about music for her to play
with her clarinet-playing grandson. Other times I found music at a giant old
sheet music store in San Francisco called Byron Hoyt, and another time I
received the whole clarinet sheet music collection of a woman who had owned a
sheet music store but now had the music in storage. As Nani and I played
through various pieces, we picked out ones that we liked and wanted to work on.
Over time, we developed favorites we played a lot through the years, including
a few of the jazzy ones from a book called “Jazzy Clarinet 2”: “Teasing Tango,”
“Backgarden Blues,” and “Chalumeau Rag,” the last of which was often our encore
(or one of them) and included Nani imitating taxi horns on the piano, a great
part she loved.
Once
we were thoroughly exhausted, we would retire to some Scrabble. This was a nice
chance to relax and talk while still getting caught up in the game. We were
both big Scrabble fans. Nani talked about having enjoyed Scrabble with her
coworkers when she was a probation officer and their clients didn’t show up.
She played with Kathy also, and they had lists of all the two- and three-letter
words. At one point, they also had a black bound photocopy of all the
combinations of seven letters that made words (“The Bingo Book”).
As
we were playing, Kathy would join us in the living room for a little bit, and
we’d all talk more, and she would offer us dessert, always including ice cream,
sometimes various kinds and with other goodies like brownies and chocolate
sauce and whipped cream. I always enjoyed a very large bowl of that.
As
I think about all this, I remember earlier versions also. In earlier years, we
would sometimes drive to the Fresh Choice all-you-can-eat restaurant at Sun
Valley Mall where I had various favorites like the corn muffins, and then (was
it those same years?) we would go to the video store across from the Safeway on
Oak Park, where the owner knew his customers and made recommendations, and we
would rent a movie or movies to watch. Or if we were going to the video store,
we might get a pizza at the Round Table next door, and we might stop at the
Safeway for milk or ice cream. I usually stayed over just one night, but every
once in a while I stayed longer, and I remember one time when I was staying
longer (around 1994, I think) Nani and I rented something like six movies. (I
think one was “Europa, Europa” and another was “Malice.”) Another time, I seem
to remember that Nani and I went somewhere in the evening to play tennis!
Sometimes
we would stay up late talking and maybe finishing our Scrabble game. We talked
about what were reading (including what she was reading and researching for her
book club), what we had been up to lately, stories in the news and what we
thought about various controversies, memories (including childhood and young
adulthood memories of hers). Anything really.
When
it was finally time for bed, I would sleep and sleep, especially in the early
years, when I think I needed to catch up on sleep the most. In those years, I
was sleeping in the first bedroom on the left going down the hall. It got
plenty dark, and the bed was nice and soft, and I think I felt pretty
contented, and I would sleep for up to 15 or 16 hours.
The
next day, there were always tasty options for breakfast and Nani would join me
while I ate (probably having been up for six or seven hours herself). One of
her favorites for breakfast was an Australian biscuit with muenster cheese
(which you had to make sure the dog didn’t get) and I would sometimes have
that. Other times I’d have cereal with some fresh fruit on top. Nani and Kathy
got the San Francisco Chronicle and
the Contra Costa Times, so those
would be out to read.
After
a leisurely breakfast with some talking and reading, it was a good time to play
some more music. We might play through some new music, or rehearse some of the
pieces we had played the night before. Sometimes we would work on one piece for
a while, especially long complicated pieces, like the “Jazz Variations” or
“Ballade” from a book of music by Michael Garson inspired by playing with the
clarinetist Eddie Daniels, which came with a recording of them playing the
music. In later years, another big one for us was “Rhapsody in Blue.” If we
were nearing a concert, we might talk about program notes and go to the office
at the back of the house to draft them and print them out.
Another
thing we would do music-wise was play piano duets. We had a couple books of
Christmas duets, some classical ones, some Cole Porter (including “In the Still
of the Night”), and a book of Broadway songs we probably played the most, which
included “If I Loved You” and a rendition of “Old Man River” we loved belting
out on the piano.
Whenever
it came time to leave, we would review which pieces we were going to work on
and would look at the calendar in the kitchen to figure out the next time for a
visit.
--
One
other thing I want to mention is that the day after Nani went into the hospital
in October, before I knew, I went on a hike outside the city with some friends,
and on the train ride I got to telling them all about my grandmother. When I
got the news about Nani later that day, it occurred to me I had just been
talking about her, but it wasn’t much of a coincidence, since I’ve always
talked about her a lot. (I even wrote a college application essay on “someone I
admire” about her.) People have always been interested in hearing about her and
have ended up liking and admiring her and asking me more about her in the
future. I think they also appreciated that the time she and I spent together
was something to cherish. I did cherish it, and her, and I always will.
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