November 15, 2018
World leaders implore: Please
send Tina Martin instead
WASHINGTON — Following their latest round of clashes with the American
President, on Thursday world leaders made a coordinated plea: The next time
America needs to be represented somewhere, please consider sending Tina Martin
instead.
The latest occasion for their conflicts was the recent commemoration
of the 100th anniversary of the armistice ending World War I. Following those
events, the American President tweeted highly negative remarks about the French
President.
Asked to respond to the tweets, French President Emmanuel Macron said,
“I do not do policy or diplomacy by tweets.” He continued, “So I will say into
the camera, please, America, consider sending Tina Martin instead. She has
visited Paris in recent years and we were very happy to have her. The same goes
for Spain, Germany, and Switzerland.”
President Angela Merkel of Germany made similar remarks. “We were very
happy when she visited her friend Jutta. She is welcome back anytime. It is
such a different and much better experience when she visits.”
British Prime Minister Theresa May also weighed in. She has been
facing intense resistance from within her own party in response to her recently
announced Brexit plan, to which she responded, “Am I going to see this through?
Yes.” But she added, “Still, even I have limits. Please don’t make me talk to
that man anymore. Tina hasn’t visited London in so long. Would she come if we
gave up on this whole Brexit idea?”
Even Italian Prime Minister Giuseppe Conte joined in, despite his
being a right wing populist who has aligned himself with the American
President. In September it
was revealed that Mr. Conte was scheduled to take a legal settings English
proficiency exam as part of applying for a professorship job, seemingly as a
backup to his role as Prime Minister. On Thursday he commented, “I might
disagree with Ms. Martin’s politics, but she is after all a retired ESL
teacher. I’m very happy she’ll be staying with her friend Bill in Rome next
April.”
In the United States, Mayor Bill de Blasio, speaking to reporters
after today’s snowstorm, took a moment to add his perspective. “Of course world
leaders would like Tina to visit. We’re lucky her son lives here, and she
visits here every year. Besides the new Amazon campus, that’s the only thing
Governor Cuomo and I agree on.”
The newly elected Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema also commented, “Ms.
Martin visited her friends Katherine and Barry and Jeanne and Ken here
recently, and we would be very glad to have her back anytime she’d like to
visit. It’s just a short flight.”
But with all that Ms. Martin has going on in San Francisco, there is
only so much time she can spend traveling. San Francisco Mayor London Breed is
glad about that. “I do feel for the rest of the world’s leaders,” said Ms.
Breed. “Any visit by the President is an opportunity for his invective, and
we’re glad he’s unlikely to visit here anytime soon. Meanwhile Ms. Martin is an
ideal visitor, open to appreciation of all the places and people she visits,
but for most of the year, we get to keep her for ourselves.”
No comments:
Post a Comment