A Loser's Reflection: How Much Is It Worth To Hide the Loss that Comes from Being a Loser

I felt so foolish (almost worthless?) when I lost my tenant's check that I was seriously considering not telling him that I'd lost it and just suffering the loss of more than a thousand dollars.

I'd lost it because I had a losing way of  creating piles of papers and then, preparing for a friend's visit, scooping up the papers and hiding them somewhere so the room (I'm almost always talking about the study) looked neater than it really was.

I'm not alone in this clean-up method, which wasn't totally self-taught.  I come from a family of people who rose above their piles and got on to something more interesting than cleaning up.   My mother cleaned house twice a year--when it was her turn to have the bridge party.

This approach to cleaning was reinforced by friends who told me that they prepared for people dropping in by just going  through the rooms with a big garbage bag and collecting everything.  Then they'd try to remember not to throw out the garbage bag.

So...I was messy and I was careless, and the rent check got scooped up with a pile of papers, and when I later sifted  through the pile, I couldn't find the check. 

For at least a day I felt so foolish (or, once again, is the word worthless?) that I was going to let it go.

Then I came to my senses, sent my tenant a message about the loss, and gave him  $25 to stop payment on the check, which he did, writing me a new one.

The new check is in my wallet, where I put it as soon as I got it instead of letting it mingle with all the other papers in piles. 

Lost and found, my money and my feeling of self-worth--in spite of being a loser