I don't think thank you notes are all about good manners. I
think they are a sign of kindness and connectedness, something we all need.
It isn't a question of debit-credit when we feel wounded not hearing
after we felt a connection and wanted to be generous with friends.
A few weeks ago I wrote about the
astonishingly thoughtful thank you note from a family of three Javier and
I had treated to lunch I'd taken around the city. Father, mother, son
each wrote something about what they'd really appreciated. I feel like
having it framed as an example of what we could all do. (I sometimes send
electronic thanks, and I know that's not the same. I also sometimes sign
my name and Javier instead of encouraging him to speak for himself!)
Anyway, after that warming experience, two
other friends came to SF, and again we treated to lunch and then I took them
around. I haven't heard from them since, and that was three weeks ago.
These two brothers come from a family with
a very diplomatic way of letting you know that you have mustard on your chin.
For years I didn't catch on. This is how it would go:
Roger: Tina, do I have mustard on my
chin?
Me: No.
I'd wonder why he was so often asking
questions like that. Why was he so self-conscious? Then I found out
that this is how it's supposed to go:
Roger: Tina, do I have mustard on my
chin?
Me: No. Do I?
Roger: Well, now that you mention
it, I guess you do.
I then wipe the mustard off my chin.
I found out that this was the strategy and
intended outcome when they were telling the story of their daughter, who
practiced this and one day asked a visitor, "Keith, do I have mustard on
my beard?"
Anyway, here's a very satisfying fantasy I
have: I write to Roger.
Dear Roger,
Did I forget to thank you for all you did
for us when you were in San Francisco?
No comments:
Post a Comment